Grief

Today the grief over the estrangement from my kids has overwhelmed me. It seems to be more than I can bear. I have no doubt that I came into this life to try and do a job, and I am still in the midst of trying to complete it. But the toll it is taking on my heart, on the heart of my wife, on the relationships that I value, is unfathomable. I pass the places in our shared history and have to stop the car to cry, or pause in fixing dinner to wail out the pain that I don’t know what else to do with. 

And then I go to my energy healer and she sees the same energy I talk about, and I try and pull myself together and do what I think is the next step in this journey I agreed to. It doesn’t make the grief and pain worthwhile, or lessen it, it just helps me remember that there is purpose behind choosing the harder path sometimes, even if we suffer for it. And I try to remember that helping someone else, focusing on another’s difficulties will probably help me feel better. 

So I go to a neighbor boy’s football game that seems without support, I try to listen to the two beggar’s that we support about what they need and how things are going. 

And I haven’t given up hope that someday I will be with my family again. If not in this life, may we set up the next one to work things out. Together. 

Aho. Amen. May it be so.