Pain-based Frustration

Today I am struggling with frustration. The source of the frustration is the deeper issues in my relationship with my spouse. It can be very hard to express the pain caused by being pushed away when someone you care for is struggling and refuses to allow you to walk beside them through the trouble. Standing on the periphery, being repeatedly told I am wrong about the problems we are facing, and having to face these problems alone even though they are not stemming from my health issues but from hers is more than I can tolerate at times. I react with angry words, even though I do not scream or shout. The pain transforms to anger when I cannot hold any more. So I walk it out. Some days 7, 8 miles of walking just to stay inside my skin, inside my house, inside this relationship that is cooking me at my core. 30 years of working on truth did not prepare me for trying to support someone who is seriously ill and choosing to ignore it. It puts us in such different realities that the cognitive dissonance I experience is excruciating. I'm not always sure I can survive it mentally, but I am trying.